The Warrior Project:Portraits of Marley, Anorexia/complex mental health.
A brand new installment of ‘The Warrior Project’, a series of portraits of people who suffer or have suffered from mental or physical illness or disability. Suffering from chronic illness myself and being neurodiverse (Elhers Danlos Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, chronic migraine and ADHD) I love to capture portraits of people who have mental or physical illness or disability, whether visible or invisible, and share a bit about them, in the hopes that my portraits will help boost confidence and raise awareness of their particular condition.
This time we have the wonderful Marley, who specifically wanted to capture pin-up style portraits on the cloud. Here is more about her, in her own words!
Tell me a little about yourself! Where are you from, what do you do for work/hobbies?
I am Marley, I am 29 years old and currently engaged to the most wonderful man who I’m set to get married to in 2025. I am a Scottish woman living in Lancashire. I have lived in various places around Lancashire and have enjoyed the 15 years I’ve been here. I am currently unemployed trying my very best to become a tattoo artist. For most of my life, I have been very creative, from traditional crafts like painting, cross stitch, crochet, and clay sculpting to making costumes out of unconventional materials; I once made an entire costume out of duct tape and plastic bags.
I have a 4 year old Rottweiler, Athena Thumbelina (photos at the bottom!) she is my whole heart, she was gift to myself when I was at my lowest and she has definitely helped me through some of the most hardest times of my life.
What are your diagnoses?
I am Autistic and have ADHD and dyslexia, I am also a recovering anorexic, and deal with hypermobility, depression and anxiety too.
When and how did your journey begin?
My journey started at a very young age as a poor kid on a Scottish council estate that then ended up in a destitute area in Blackburn. For as long as I could remember I’ve never really fit in always been a square peg trying to fit in a round hole and life has always seemed to deal me the hardest hand. I struggled through life both physically and mentally, for a whole host of reasons, sometimes its was the cruelty of others and sometimes it was the fact I was living with undiagnosed ADHD, Autism, and Dyslexia. It took until I was 16 and in a referral unit school in Blackburn to have my Dyslexia noticed, it was then almost a further 10 years before I received an ADHD and Autism diagnosis.
In my mid teens I developed an eating disorder that affects me sometimes even now, but through hard work and perseverance I don’t let it take hold of me the way it used to. In my late teens/young adult years I made a lot of poor choices that led to drug addiction and violent relationships that ultimately left me homeless. Those where some of the hardest times of my life and when i finally got housed I was often faced with the very real choice between heating or eating.
Since childhood, I have suffered with various joint pain, mostly in my hips. I found out in my early teens that I was hypermobile, it explained why I was always in pain but there isn't very much I can do about it apart from manage my pain.
How does it affect you day to day?
Now my day to day life is good, with the support from my family and friends I have manged to get myself to point where I have more ups than downs. In the past my conditions have cost me jobs, relationships and opportunities that could have been life changing. I do my best not to dwell on the past but sometimes the rumination takes over and I become stuck in a downward spiral. My physical health can have a massive effect as some days I wake up and I can do it all but other days I can barely move from my bed.
What are the particular difficulties you have had to deal with, past and present?
I’ve always struggled with 'normal' life as I just can’t seem to get the hang of it. It feels like everyone was given an instruction manual and I wasn’t. I’ve never been able to hold down a job for longer than 6 months, apart from when I was bar staff at Sanctuary Rock Bar, where I managed to do 7 years. After my homelessness my mental health was at its very worst and I’d often find myself curled in a ball on my living room floor sobbing my heart out, at this time I made more than one attempt on my life.
What does your future hold with regards to your situation?
I have no idea what the future holds for me but I just take each day as it comes and stay thankful and grateful for those I have around me.
Advice to others about to undertake or are at the beginning of a similar journey?
The fight is hard, I’ve been at the very beginning of a mental healing journey and its the bravest thing I could do, the constant fights, the months of waiting list, but it paid off. It took me years to get where I am. I told myself if I made it to 25 I would seek help and look at me now 5 years on, actually loving life. I only got where I am by putting the work into myself, learning to go easy on myself. At my first ATS (acute therapy service) session this quote was above the main internal doors:
"Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.
Tip toe if you must, but take the step."
and it has stuck with me ever since. Healing is not linear and forgive yourself for your set backs. Never forget you are what you consume, from your food to the media you watch and of this will have a massive effect on your journey.
About your photo session, how was the experience as a whole?
The experience was amazing! Donna made me feel at ease right away. She is just such an easy person to connect with and makes you feel like the most important person in that moment. From the styling consultation when you decide your outfits to the actual day she makes you feel so at ease that doing the actual shoot is a breeze.
How do your photographs make you feel?
The photographs made me fall back in love with myself. I know 30 isn’t that old, but I never expected to make it this far and I’ve been dealing with a bit of an identity crisis. I am also now for the first time in my life at a healthy weight and this had also played into how I felt about myself and not quite knowing who I was anymore. My life is good but coming from a very traumatic and poor background and being where I am now left me feeling all out of sorts. After my experience with Donna it helped me see myself as beautiful and reconnect with myself.
What would you say to someone like yourself who was considering a portrait shoot with me?
DO IT! Anyone I know that has been considering it I tell them to just go for it.
Just a few random questions so people can get to know you!
Who's your celebrity crush?
Anyone who grubs down well, Henry Cavill in The Witcher, Travis Fimmel as Ragnar and we can’t forget the drop dead gorgeous Jason Momoa!!
Favourite colour?
It changes all the time! Sometimes its the shade of green on the forest floor when spring has sprung, but then I’ll see a stunning lavender sky just before the sun sets and then that's my favourite colour, but then I’ll see the most beautiful shade of magenta and then thats my favourite or the blue of the midnight sky with the silver stars twinkling away. I dont think I have favorites of anything, I think my heart just latches on to each little glimmer it feels.
Favourite music genre/band/artist?
My music taste is just as varied as my favourite colour, it depends on how I am feeling or the mood I want to induce. I do love my Jeramiah Ferrari boys though!
Favourite food?
Foods a tricky one for me but it would have to be anyone of my Mums homecooked meals from my childhood.
What does your ideal day include?
Wake up with no pain with my love beside me and our dog at our feet, put on some nice calming music while we make breakfast together, followed by a walk in nature with Athena where we stop off at a nice country pub for some nice summer butties. I then like to end my days watching films with my love, and an evening stroll with the dog.
Do you have a favourite quote?
I have many quotes that have helped me though life, many by Oscar Wilde soothe my soul, my favourite at the moment is;
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”
Your favourite movies?
The Harry Potters will always be a comfort movie for me.
Your most treasured possession?
A bookmark I got from my Mum when I was about 11, she went on a trip to Denmark and brought me back a blue leather bookmark that is inlaid with gold images of Vikings. It has been in every book I have read since.
An odd fact about you, or do you have a party trick?
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with my mouth!
Thank you SO much Marley for sharing some of your story, I know I identify a lot with some of your words and life events and its always good to know we aren’t alone!
And, as promised, beautiful Athena and Marley together!
If you want to take part in the Warrior Project, just fill in the contact form below! You will receive a reduced session fee in return for sharing your story.
Donna x